Home Alone: Coping with Loneliness on the Holidays
You or someone you love might be alone for the holidays, especially this year as large gatherings and travel are not recommended due to the coronavirus pandemic. Or, you might be finding yourself alone this season following the death of a loved one. If you struggle with depression or social anxiety, or you don't have close relationships with family or friends, loneliness at the holidays can also be particularly hard.
These are not easy times, and a general sense of isolation and loneliness are more prevalent than ever. Here are a few ways to address that feeling of loneliness at the holidays.
Check in with Yourself
Christmas is the perfect day to take the time to appreciate what you have in life, be it good health, a place to live, or food on the table. Having gratitude will also help you to move past anxiety, as you learn to live in the present moment and be mindful of your surroundings. One way to practice gratitude is to write down three things you are grateful for on this day.
What if you're plagued by negative thoughts? If you feel like you don't know how to cope with being alone, ask yourself, "What would I do if I did know how to cope?" Think of a difficult situation you have coped with in the past and try to apply a similar strategy. You have more power over your thoughts and how they make you feel than you think. I know this is challenging and oftentimes can feel impossible, or even patronizing when someone says (in my case, as a therapist) that you can choose to feel lonely because you are alone, or you can choose to feel grateful for the positive things in your life. Research shows that reframing our negative thoughts really does impact our mood.
Tips for Coping With Loneliness at Christmas
One way to cope with being alone on Christmas is to actually go out and do something productive. Rather than spend the day at home alone, find something that you can do that fits with your mindset and mental state for the day. COVID may make this trickier than in other years, but there are still options.
For example, if you feel full of energy, and the weather is decent, go for a long walk. If you would like a social or spiritual connection today, consider looking online for a live-streaming church service to be in the presence of others. Below are some other ideas to keep you from focusing on the fact that you are alone this holiday.
Celebrate Online
Do you have online friends? Do you have long-distance relatives? Host an online Christmas by setting up a Skype chatroom or Facebook group. People can drop in and out as they please, and you don't have to cook, clean, or even get off the sofa. You'll be keeping yourself and your loved ones safe as you socialize virtually.
Ask Around
You might want to reach out to friends or coworkers and see if they have plans for the holiday or if they are also going to be alone. Chances are, there are many more people out there doing this same thing than you know.
Plan a Zoom get together for those who have no one to spend the holiday with and use that time either to just chat, play a game together, tell Christmas stories from long ago, or even watch a movie together! If you feel anxious about reaching out—consider that other people who are alone on Christmas may feel isolated, lonely, and nervous to call on you, too.
Volunteer
One way to gain a better appreciation for the good things in your life is to get involved in volunteering. During the holidays, volunteering is a way to connect with others, boost your self-esteem, and bring joy to people who are less fortunate. Again, while this might look different this year due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, there are still ways to contribute, safely. Consider offering to help serve dinner at a soup kitchen, dropping off gifts to a children's hospital, or sending cards to lonely residents at a nursing home. Or, you might consider doing a grocery run for someone with a compromised immune system or a neighbor who is over age 65. Be sure to take expert-recommended precautions including wearing a mask and practicing social distancing.
Enjoy Solitude
If being alone on Christmas is unavoidable, plan a day for yourself. Buy something online to treat yourself, cook your favorite foods, or plan a movie marathon. Or, cut through the clichés and do something offbeat like learning a new language or starting work on the novel that's always been in your head. Christmas is a day to indulge in whatever makes you happy.
If You're Having Difficulty Coping
If you are feeling really down about being alone on Christmas and can't pull yourself out of it, reach out for help. Call a friend, family member, or a helpline.
Regardless of whether you are physically separated from people on Christmas, you should never feel like you are lacking support. There are people who would love to hear from you and trained volunteers waiting to support and counsel you.
SAMHSA National Helpline
1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Operated 24/7, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline provides information and referrals if you or a loved one are facing mental health and/or substance use issues. The confidential service does not provide counseling, but can direct you to helpful resources, treatment facilities, and support groups in your area.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
This national toll-free number—available 24/7—connects to local crisis centers where a trained worker will provide confidential support to people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress.
Crisis Text Line