Skills in a Time of Social Distancing

In a time where things feel so out of our control, it is expected that emotions like fear and anxiety will escalate. With barriers to our usual outlets from stress through socializing, attending community events and religious services, and even working, we are being challenged to find ways to safely socially engage in a meaningful way and to stay physically and emotionally healthy in uncertain times. The challenge to both manage our feelings AND practice the necessary social distancing is emotionally taxing. I want to be able to support everyone through our continued work together, remotely, for now, and I will be sending out occasional e-letters with thoughts, readings, suggestions, etc. 

As many of you know, I utilize skills of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in many of my therapy sessions with clients, but also in my day to day life. DISTRESS TOLERANCE is a module of DBT that is intended to do just what it sounds like. It is not intended to remove the emotion, nor solve the problem, but is intended to decrease the SEVERITY AND INTENSITY of that emotion which we are feeling. I want to offer some ideas that I hope will be useful both to decrease the severity and intensity of anxiety and fear, and also serve as useful ways to spend the additional time many of us now have as we remain home during this period of social distancing.

The acronym for this skill is ACCEPTS (Ironic? Not really. Intentional!)

ACTIVITY- This includes hobbies and chores: There really is plenty to do around us. Aside from the obvious, some fun ones include going outdoors for a walk/jog/bike ride, cook or bake; watch a movie; practice an instrument; have a dance party at home and video chat your friends or family to join in; rearrange furniture or de-clutter a closet; research a vacation you want to take in the future; exercise or stretch.

CONTRIBUTE- Doing for others (helps us feel better and spreads cheer to others): volunteer to assist elderly neighbors who are fearful of being in public right now, write letters or cards to seniors in your local nursing homes, write thank you cards to local hospital personnel, invite friends or family to a virtual “dinner party” where you each bring your meal to the table and video chat so you aren’t eating alone, buy a gift card from a local small business to help with their revenue now and use it or gift it later; if purchasing some goods in stores or online, buy a few extra essentials and drop them off at the nearest shelter/food pantry; if you have a musical talent, record yourself or offer a live video to share. 

COMPARISON- Compare to those who are less fortunate (I typically recommend to use this skill sparingly, but in this circumstance, I think it’s relevant): Think of those in Italy, China, the elderly, sick, deployed military and think of what you feel grateful for; Make a gratitude list; Re-read this list when you need reassurance; prayer and meditation to hold these people in your thoughts.

EMOTIONS- Create a different emotion than what you are feeling by: watching (or bingeing) a comedy series or stand-up comedy show; dance! (see activities); call someone who makes you laugh; do something you love to do or haven’t had a chance to do in a long time because of your busy schedule.

PUSHING AWAY- Leave the situation (or stimulus) for a while, mentally or physically: Turn off  the news for a period of time or designate one news program per day to tune into; Put your phone down and engage in a task fully so as not to be drawn back in by social media posts or news updates; take a nap; give yourself “worry time” where you literally time on a clock a BRIEF amount of time to get all your worries and fears a chance to surface, then use one of the other skills listed to move on from the worry.

THOUGHTS- Engage your mind in a task. We can’t think about two things at the same time, so this helps keep our thoughts from spiraling: read, color, do a puzzle, play cards play a board game, do some creative writing or journal, look at recipes and plan to cook something, research something online you have always wondered about but haven’t take the time to learn about.

SENSES- Engage your senses to increase mindfulness in the moment: this can be almost anything, because we use our senses in everything we do! Specifically, sip a cup of warm tea and notice the tastes, temperature and smell; take a hot shower or bath and feel the drops of water on your body; listen to soothing music and try to determine which instruments are in the song; go outside and feel the cool air or sun on your face; hold ice in your hands or in your mouth and notice how it feels; see how long it takes for something chocolatey or minty to melt in your mouth and notice what it tastes like; stretch or do some physical activity to increase your heart rate and body temperature.

These are just a handful of ideas. Any activity done mindfully is skillful. Comment below with any others you have tried!